A return to flippant

After reviewing numerous other blogs and finding many lacking, I got to thinking. Those people probably think what they are writing is inspired prose, but it is actually mostly tripe. Since one cannot judge ones own accomplishments objectively I have to wonder, do I write banal tripe, inspired my false belief in an intelligence that is lacking too? Oh sure I write random, poorly proofread crap all the time and I know it. I figure as long as the errors don’t make it unintelligible, quantity is better than quality. (I am a published author with manuscripts in the scientific literature and several short stories, so I can write well if I try. (Before you ask I used a nom de plume, and no I won’t tell you where to look for my short stories. Hint: think about it and read old posts and it shouldn’t be hard to figure out what kind of fiction I wrote. My excuse? I was young and bored, okay mostly bored, but I did have quite a following.)) (Now that was one hell of the tangent, I am impressed I could go so far and still come back so easy. Move over James Joyce, I am the king of stream of consciousness!)
Ok back to the point, for real
If my attempts at humor and deep thought are nothing more than inane ramblings, and you find yourself laughing for all the wrong reasons, I hope someone will tell me, so I can stop acting the fool...

On the other hand if someday I am deified, or at least elevated to prophet status, this will be my earliest scared texts. Hmm, I will have to go back and correct all my postings and engage in seriuos revisionist history. I would hate for the sacred writings to be a hard read, plus it might call into question my omnipotence if people found out that I don’t use enough commas or misused affect and effect.

Remember all my friends and the frequent readers can easily transition that relationship to apostles of the burgeoning faith, (I leave it to my followers to decide between Ryanism, and Ryantology.) Ok sure you will be able to "effectively wield" your power, what kind of religion would it be if those with authority couldn’t, but I am not in freaky things or polygamy, so there will be firm limits. Most of my friends are women, so I will establish the hierarchy not on gender or race but on intelligence. I strive to be egalitarian, but I don't suffer fools well. Plus if you treat women well, they will come, and where women go men follow.

What will it be like?
Well I am not going to be short sighted, no apocalypse, (at least for several generations), and nothing that will upset the ATF, FBI or media. I will be wholesome and start small, just simple rules on how to lead a good life and be happy. I will integrate into main stream society/religion, and then start siphoning off followers. I would strive to be an affordable religion that requires minimal time commitment (at first), oh and the use of the word religion is right out since that leads to the label “cult”, so I’ll need to come up with something good like “life management system”, that way we will be secular. However, there must be a carrot to get people more involved, so we will have to have secrets or great truths that only the “worthy” can understand. Remember this has to be stuff that will be easy to say with a straight face. The biggest draw I think will be the ease that people can join, and how quickly they will feel better about themselves once they do. We will encourage the questioning of other faith based belief systems and when they are found lacking, offer the substitute of a common sense based belief system, (transparency is good if you plan to encourage the masses to question authority.)

Oh I don’t expect "it" to achieve religion status during my lifetime, a couple generations will need to do by before all the bad stuff is forgotten (like my poor punctuation.) Time obscures the truth or at least rounds the rough edges, so in a few hundred years all the questionable stuff my apostles and I did will be forgotten and only the good stuff will be remembered. Oh and I want to be one of the "great people" who die quietly in their sleep, a violent death as a martyr, while it will help my public profile and serve as a rallying point for the faithful, really holds no appeal for me.

The final question is doesn’t writing this hurt my chances to see it come true?
No, first off L. Ron Hubbard is quoted as saying “if you really want to make money, start a religion”, and that really hasn’t hurt his religion at all. Second off I really do wish to help people, and if I did this it would help people. Lastly this is a joke, (you know, a satire, a humorous commentary on our belief system, etc), so I really doubt it will ever come up.

However, keep the offer in the back of your mind just in case your other life plans (or mine) don’t work out… ;)