Well while I realize that I talk a lot about women and how they are different than men, and about what I think I know about women, it is because relationships and money are the two biggest subjects for the advice giver and well waxing poetic about money isn’t all that interesting without subject.
So here is advice for men about women.
Be romantic, well duh. The secret to being romantic is surprise. Men are creatures of habit, and because of this most men hate surprises. Women love good surprises, so buy her flowers for no reason other than you saw them and thought of her. For maximum effect don’t let her read this, and don’t do or have done anything stupid for at least three days either side of getting the flowers, for to optimize the credit you recieve the reason for the gift must be “just because”. If flowers don’t strike your fancy you can achieve much the same effect with a small gift of something thoughtful, sorry I can’t tell you want, but if you have known her for awhile you should know what the little things she buys to make herself happy.
Another secret is think small and often. If you save your romantic moments up for the big gestures then you are up the creek. First big gestures can fail and second they are too few and most likely too far between for maximum effect. You can be sweet just by doing something she wants to do, but you hate to do. Women notice little things so if normally you complaint while she watches her show or you leave the room during the show, but this time you sit and watch with her, and touch her hand during the parts that are emotional, she will notice. While this isn’t a dozen roses and a carriage ride romantic this still counts in their eyes and is perceived as you caring which is a good thing.
Ok for the women, all of this seems pretty obvious, but some men must be told. Romance isn’t dead it is just misunderstood. So, while some men don’t understand it’s the little things that count, most women don’t count some of the little things we do.
So here is advice for understanding some less obvious male gestures of concern.
Men often show their feelings ways that are meaningful to us, which is actions with useful results. If your man notices your car’s out of tune and he can, he will fix it without having to be asked. To men especially men who aren’t very good with words, action is the most obvious way of showing he cares. It is a gesture akin to writing a delicate love poem only we express ourselves in ways that involve getting greasing. It is our way, and if women appreciated that I think many women would find their man cares far more about them than they know. This is most true if you aren’t married to him since these things aren’t expected of him. So, if you come home to find all the light bulbs in your really high ceiling have been changed out the garage door rollers and bearing are repaired, the pothole in the drive way is repaired, he is chain sawing the old dead tree in the backyard, and you see new rotors and pads for your car on the kitchen table. This is not a sign he believes you are not capable of performing these tasks on your own; he just wants to do things for you. So, take this for how he means it, “I care about you, to a level in direct proportion to the danger and difficulty of the tasks I am undertaking for you, but I have difficultly expressing myself in ways you find meaningful.” Now some men can’t work a chain saw or even a wrench so despite their woeful shortfalls as men to them pumping gas especially during less than prefect weather is how they show they care. Often in the area of romance and relationships it is what the female considers is right is what goes, this however is bad for the relationship if a man has to be told what to do by someone like me the romantic gestures will always seem kind of fake. However, if the gestures he makes of his own accord are counted and she translates his machining a custom weathervane for her out of solid copper then acid ages it, before making custom stainless steel bearings and a new lighting rod with a electrolytic soil treatments for the grounding system, into something she understands she will see how much he loves her.
Here are the details: The creation of a weather vane while decorate is difficult since it must be free to move so it has to be well balanced, and the acid aging will give it patina instantly. You need stainless steel bearings even though stainless is expensive and hard to work since the copper doesn’t make a good bearing surface, and the use of a pillow bearing isn’t appropriate given the direction and weight of the load. The design and implementation of grounding system is both difficult and expensive but if you are putting a big lump of metal on the roof a must and shows lots of thought. The treatment of the soil means a low resistance path to ground, is maintained even if you forget to keep the area around the grounding rod moist, a commonly over-looked task. I would translate this job to a weekend in the country at a B&B level of caring.
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