I have seen alot of stuff recently about how smell is link to attraction. First off duh! Of course it is! So why them am I writing about something so obvious?
It is a business opportunity and soon will become pseudoscience. So, all the literature points to the fact that woman are attracted to men who "smell" differently from men who are related. That presents a problem since there is no generic smell like insect pheromones. So the smart money will be in masking or modifying a man's natural smell, and as the science advances then developing a collection synthetic smell compounds that will ensure he smells genetically different. No one "smell" will work with all women, so custom blends will be required. Remember these molecules have a smell that is mostly subconscious so charlatans with urine extract or something equally questionable will become a serious problem.
To do this right racial and other profiling will be required to subdivide the population and limit the number of mixtures, plus a way to cover the nature smell must be devised. In the end it will be easier to just profile a man's natural "smell" and then create a formula that boasts this smell, and let nature take it's course. You could charge a bunch of money and then blend up a cologne. Hell you could legitimize it by determining which real odorants (musk, leather, etc) will best complement the natural smell of a guy and blend up colognes with that in mind, and totally avoid the subconscious smells.
Anyway it goes it should be interesting!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Free advice on free advice and relationships
Some people seem to believe I can fix them. I can't no one can fix you but you. If your problems are consuming you, I can't stop it, so consider getting help that is face to face and from mental health professionals. The most I can do for anyone is point them in the right direction and give them a gentle push.
Here are a couple of pointers on relationships:
First, if your "partner" hasn't changed and you have made valiant efforts to fix them then they probably won't ever change. (Baring extreme exceptions like court ordered therapy or AA, even then they have to want to change and not just go through the motions.) So, if your requirements to get back together or stay together or whatever require long term change, but they get what they want immediately, then you have no cards to play and they have no reason to change. My advice is first off revaluate if what you want changed is reasonable. If it is then find a way where the experimental phase isn't fully giving into them. Set series of short term goals so you can see a difference, and the improvement is continuous but slow. Keep them distant, remember if you have stuck with them for this long then they have some power over you, and getting back into their sphere of influence will allow them to exert that power over you again. Love is power, or at least can be as such. Any powerful emotion can used against you so guard your feelings. Remember if you have been with someone long enough they know what to say to push your buttons, so watch that.
Kids will NOT fix what is wrong with your relationship. If y'all can't get along now why do you think a reduced standard of living, and sleep deprivation will help? Personally if you aren't at least 25 or 26 and have been together for a while I would suggest holding off on kids. Play house for a couple years, figure out the ins and outs of being an adult, then if you figure out that you confused love for lust or comfort well you can just move on, and the harm is minimized. If it really seems right then plan it, pre-prenatal vitamins, diet changes, genetic testing, the whole 9 yards. Having a kid is risky, why not hedge your bets?
What is good marriage? A good marriage is not prefect. Hell if there is no fighting then it isn't a partnership, it is master/servant. They say opposite attract and that is kind true, I really think that people that complement each other attract. A marriage is an average, if he is aggressive and she is shy then she can temper him, but he will make her more outgoing so, they both become more functional. No one is enough on their own to both be battered by life and self support, so your companion in this must not be weak where you are weak. Plus, being married to your personality clone would be boring, a difference of view will prevent you from going too far in any direction. In choosing a mate don't just consider the obvious, consider can you stand this person for the rest of your life? Since the stories of their past run out quickly, in a few years all you have left to talk about is what has happened recently, will they still be interesting, will they still find you interesting? So, at its simplest a prefect marriage is a partnership of equals (or near equals) where you happen to have a physical and emotional relationship too. Ok, this may get me in trouble but if you and your partner met this criteria it's a marriage, regardless of certain other "factors". Marriage is a word its the relationship that counts, not the social contract.
Oh that one thing they do drives me crazy!
If your partner has a habit that bothers you, for the love of gd tell them. If you just sit and stew about then they will never know there is a problem and you will go slowly off your rocker. Just say, "Hey can you try not to do blank?" Then explain why, even if it sounds crazy. To show you are a big person and are fair ask them if you have an annoying quirk that bothers them? They may not stop but at least they will be aware if it, and will try and cut down, or at least acknowledge that if they have been doing whatever it is for 5 solid, madding minutes that they did it and are sorry.
The unifying message is communicate. Don't force it. Just start small, and if the other person isn't ready then wait. If they don't want to talk now, then don't make them. If you force someone to talk about unpleasant things, then talking seems like punishment, people don't like to be punished or nagged and then resentment follows. Force breeds resistance, so hiding the remote or something will just increase their resolve to defy you. Don't use the withholding of positive reenforcement as a tool! Wait for it, sooner or later you can start a small conversion and keep it comfortable, and then approach the subject you want, but stop before they realize the direction. Then over several sessions get closer and closer until you can safely broach the topic without the other person recoiling. Look if what you are wanting to discuss is already years old what is the harm in it getting a week older?
Here are a couple of pointers on relationships:
First, if your "partner" hasn't changed and you have made valiant efforts to fix them then they probably won't ever change. (Baring extreme exceptions like court ordered therapy or AA, even then they have to want to change and not just go through the motions.) So, if your requirements to get back together or stay together or whatever require long term change, but they get what they want immediately, then you have no cards to play and they have no reason to change. My advice is first off revaluate if what you want changed is reasonable. If it is then find a way where the experimental phase isn't fully giving into them. Set series of short term goals so you can see a difference, and the improvement is continuous but slow. Keep them distant, remember if you have stuck with them for this long then they have some power over you, and getting back into their sphere of influence will allow them to exert that power over you again. Love is power, or at least can be as such. Any powerful emotion can used against you so guard your feelings. Remember if you have been with someone long enough they know what to say to push your buttons, so watch that.
Kids will NOT fix what is wrong with your relationship. If y'all can't get along now why do you think a reduced standard of living, and sleep deprivation will help? Personally if you aren't at least 25 or 26 and have been together for a while I would suggest holding off on kids. Play house for a couple years, figure out the ins and outs of being an adult, then if you figure out that you confused love for lust or comfort well you can just move on, and the harm is minimized. If it really seems right then plan it, pre-prenatal vitamins, diet changes, genetic testing, the whole 9 yards. Having a kid is risky, why not hedge your bets?
What is good marriage? A good marriage is not prefect. Hell if there is no fighting then it isn't a partnership, it is master/servant. They say opposite attract and that is kind true, I really think that people that complement each other attract. A marriage is an average, if he is aggressive and she is shy then she can temper him, but he will make her more outgoing so, they both become more functional. No one is enough on their own to both be battered by life and self support, so your companion in this must not be weak where you are weak. Plus, being married to your personality clone would be boring, a difference of view will prevent you from going too far in any direction. In choosing a mate don't just consider the obvious, consider can you stand this person for the rest of your life? Since the stories of their past run out quickly, in a few years all you have left to talk about is what has happened recently, will they still be interesting, will they still find you interesting? So, at its simplest a prefect marriage is a partnership of equals (or near equals) where you happen to have a physical and emotional relationship too. Ok, this may get me in trouble but if you and your partner met this criteria it's a marriage, regardless of certain other "factors". Marriage is a word its the relationship that counts, not the social contract.
Oh that one thing they do drives me crazy!
If your partner has a habit that bothers you, for the love of gd tell them. If you just sit and stew about then they will never know there is a problem and you will go slowly off your rocker. Just say, "Hey can you try not to do blank?" Then explain why, even if it sounds crazy. To show you are a big person and are fair ask them if you have an annoying quirk that bothers them? They may not stop but at least they will be aware if it, and will try and cut down, or at least acknowledge that if they have been doing whatever it is for 5 solid, madding minutes that they did it and are sorry.
The unifying message is communicate. Don't force it. Just start small, and if the other person isn't ready then wait. If they don't want to talk now, then don't make them. If you force someone to talk about unpleasant things, then talking seems like punishment, people don't like to be punished or nagged and then resentment follows. Force breeds resistance, so hiding the remote or something will just increase their resolve to defy you. Don't use the withholding of positive reenforcement as a tool! Wait for it, sooner or later you can start a small conversion and keep it comfortable, and then approach the subject you want, but stop before they realize the direction. Then over several sessions get closer and closer until you can safely broach the topic without the other person recoiling. Look if what you are wanting to discuss is already years old what is the harm in it getting a week older?
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